In the beginning...

it wasn't this complicated.

I had my Canon Rebel XT.  I experimented shooting pictures.  And I fell in love with photography.

And then I wanted to do more.   I wanted to understand more.  I wanted to spend more.

Here I am 4 years later and I have a very small portrait photography business that primarily consists of clients that are family and friends.

I have the same camera, with some fancy new L series lenses, a tripod, a grey card, a reflector, some lights I got for free, and a light meter that I also got for free and finally learned how to use, although I can't ever seem to remember how to make it work.

I'm terrible at remembering numbers, you know.

I have a family.  I wonderful husband.  An almost-two kiddo. And I am a full-time stay-at-home mom.  I love being with my baby and don't want to work full-time.  But I am about. to. lose. my. mind.

Everyday is the same old thing.  Day in and day out.  I'm sure most jobs feel this way.  I'll be doing this job for quite awhile longer as more kids come along.  I need something to save my sanity.

Enter photography.

When I decided to put myself out there as a business, I didn't intend to put a whole lot of effort into making it grow now.  I don't have time for a full-on photography business.  I figured I'd let it progress naturally and once the kids all go to school, I could put more effort into growing it.

But that's not how I work.  I'm more of a full-steam ahead person.  And I'm frustrated.

I started a promotion on Facebook several days ago where I am giving things away to people who advertise me to their fans.  Giving things away.  I've had all of two people enter in four days.  One is someone who donated to the giveaway.  The other is her husband.  I can't even give stuff away to get more fans.  Seriously?

I'm bitter and discouraged.

So, of course, I start a blog.

I'll admit that I just watched Julie & Julia the other night.  I'll admit that I'm almost 30.  I'll admit that I seem to be having a bit of a personal crisis  Scratch that.  Personality crisis.

But my plan is to learn myself some photography and I have to have a way to be held accountable.  I hate to read.  I would like to attend classes, but they are so expensive.  Even the inexpensive ones are too expensive for us right now.  And think of all the other equipment I could spend that $300 on!  I did actually look into getting some sort of certificate or associates degree, which I would love to do...but when pray tel would that happen?  And shouldn't I use that $50,000 to send my kid to college?  She hasn't been yet.  I've got a master's degree for Christ's sake.  It just happens to be in the wrong thing.

So, here I am planning to work my way through some books and to take photos every week.  I'll post here with chapter summaries and photos to match the lesson, as they apply.

I did consider other options.  Lately I've heard about taking a picture every day (365 Project).  A great idea in theory.  But no good for me.  With a two year old, and my personality, (not to mention my addiction to certain unnamed TV shows and love of favorite movies), there is no way a picture will get taken and posted every day.  I'd just end up more depressed.  I'll leave that challenge to those better than I.

Of course, this won't just be a blog of photography lessons and example photos.  Oh, no.  I have grand plans (as I always do).  I'm sure my regular life will make an appearance on occasion.  I'll highlight some of my favorite photographers.  I'll ponder some of the deeper aspects of being an artist.  I'll admit to the things I don't know and the things I do wrong in shoots.  (God help me if a client actually reads this.)  And I'm sure I'll rant a bit.  I didn't used to be a cynic, but I think I've become one.

In "real" life, I am tame, happy, polite, confident, and generally pleasant.  So...I'm not always those things with my husband, but I'm sure he'll appreciate me having another outlet for my inner gremlin.  I need somewhere where I don't have to be those things.  Hence the title of this blog.  This is unfiltered.  Sometimes, unproofread.  It is honest.  It is me.